5 Ways I Became a Better Friend

They say you learn who your true friends are when you get married or have a baby. I was lucky enough to experience the former and the saying is true. But not in the way you may think…

A lot of life has happened for me in the last 10 years and the biggest blessing has been my relationships. I have lost a few, gained some, and strengthened the ones that really matter. However, that last part did not just happen. It took effort, self-reflection, and honesty on my part. I am going to share 5 ways I became a better friend in hopes that they will make you ask and answer a pretty tough question…am I a good friend?

1. Self-reflection

This looked like meditating, praying, and writing out my thoughts. I have found that I am way more honest with myself in writing. This helped me figure out who I am and the person I am working to be.

2. Asking what is a good friend

Once I figured out what being a good friend meant to me I had to ask myself am I one? This was not easy but once you acknowledge your flaws you can start addressing them.

3. Evaluating my friendships

NOTE: Everyone you associate with is not a friend, I went into this exercise knowing the difference.

The most important part of this step was highlighting their strengths and how they love. I show up, that is who I am. That is not how everyone shows love and that is okay. Holding people to standards they don’t hold themselves to or are not wired to will only set you up for disappointment. When someone shows you who they are, good or bad, believe them.

4. Developing practices that supported the type of friend I wanted to be

More check-ins, more phone calls, FaceTime dates… things that allowed me to really connect with the special people in my life. This also required me to ask them deeper questions (what is one thing you have done this month to support your dreams? How can I support you?). Being a good friend is an action, it’s not something that just happens.

5. Letting go of friendships that have run their course

This was one of the harder steps. It’s not easy to let people go, especially those that have been in your life for a long time (family included). Realizing how much work I was pouring into relationships with people that were not pouring into me was very eye-opening. That was time I could have used for the ones who cared. The ones who were showing up for me.

I have never kept score in friendships. I love hard and I am very loyal. I don’t hold back and I push you to be the best version of yourself, even when you don’t like it. I make sure you know often how much I love and appreciate you. I show up. That is who I am as a friend. As we prepare to grow our family and start businesses, my time will be more limited. I would much rather give fully to a few ride or dies than partiality because I am giving to those that don’t deserve me.

This process may look different for us all but I hope you take some time to do the work. We all need good friends and need even more to know how to be one.

XOXO, Laya